I am writing this in hopes that you will never lay your eyes upon these words. I’ve spent many days- months even- wondering what the right words to say to you might be. Should I be brutally honest, admitting my deepest, truest feelings for you? Should I play it all off lightly, pretending that you were simply just a passing a stranger? Should I pretend you were a tiny moment, leaving little to remember throughout my lifetime? I could never quite decide, so forgive me if I continue to ramble on with no end.

I can remember the first afternoon we met and the days following filled up with so much time with you. The attraction was obvious to the world; there has always been something between us since then. Your feelings weren’t reciprocated for long, however. My silence became lackluster in your eyes. You never knew how nervous you made me- how my hands would shake and my heart beat would speed up to where I feared for the blood in my veins. Instead, you felt I was dull and empty, leaving little for you to want to discover. We were once intensely intertwined, but we fell short in the end.

My heart still aches when I think of your betrayal. I cannot blame you for going after what your heart thought it wanted, but my naivety couldn’t grasp the fact that maybe you were not the one for me. You were my first of many things, I should have known better than to think you would be the last. I was a young, innocent girl, but you must know that breaking such a heart will only make one turn to bitterness. Though I can remember our first day together in vivid details, I can barely remember our last. It was sudden and unexpected. Like most things in life, we only focus on the good rather than the bad, so I try to remember how you first made me felt during those first memorable moments.

So here I am, five years later, looking back on the mess we have tangled ourselves into. I once was a girl who swooned at the thought of finding myself in your arms, but now I am a woman, scarred from the past, refusing to go back.